Food Town

Show of hands: Who eats meals? I'd raise both of my hands with fervor if I could, but I gots to keep my hands on the keyboard for my adoring fans. Meals are so good. They are so freakin good. Imagine a meal right now. So good, right?

A trip to the grocery store is the first step to the whole meal-making process. Ingredients might include: 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a Sesame Street bun.

I'm sure we all have our favorite/most visited market. Mine is favorite'd due to it's proximity to where I make the meal-magic happen. Your choice could be it's amazing deals, choice of organic choices or vegan choices*, or there's a hot number workin that cash-register**.

My grocery store, at times, is rockin 4 out of 4 of the prior pros I listed. I'm not die-hard organic, and CERTAINLY not a vegan***, but it's still fun to see cool options. My Harlem grocery is a Foodtown. Other not as bomb-diggity groceries that are nearby are PathMark, C-Town, and Associated Foods.

This morning, I had a pretty uplifting morning this morning*. On my way home from some "business" I stopped by my local grocer's freezer for some knick-knacks. There was a new employee behind the register, and she was figuring out the buttons with help from her bagger, Vance****. I almost was in a good enough mood to be entirely too corny and say, "Welcome to my favorite Foodtown," "Welcome on board!" or "WHOOP WHOOP! You one of the good guys, now! Fight hunger!!! YAAY!" But, thankfully, I didn't do anything besides smile.

As I left the building, it occurred to me: Foodtown. Foodtown. Say it with me! "Foodtown." First thought is grocery store, but let's go further. FOODTOWN! Food town. Town of food. Oh my gosh, give me more! It's brilliant! OF COURSE I want to go to a town of food! Houses made of chicken breast! It rains Frank's Red Hot! Apples grow on trees!



"Hey Drew?"
Yes?
"Wanna go to Food Town?"
Ummmmm, YES!!!
"Mind if we stop by Happyville and maybe swing by AWESOME FREAKIN CITY, too?"
OMG r0x0rz let's go!

Let's visit our other fine grocery stores for a second.

PathMark. So, I'm wandering around in an open area, I see a little sign that points me back to the main trail. End of story. PATHMARK. Not hungry.

C-Town. What the hell do I say for this. C could mean Cocoa Puffs. Cocoa Puffs Town*****. Delicious, maybe, but I need protein if I'm going to wow the ladies with my muscles. Knaw mean?!

Associated Foods. Ridiculous. Now, I think of a food I want to eat, and immediately am forced to find things by which they are associated. Corn Flakes: Old, smelly farmer Jimbo, with that one tooth that's just got no idea where it's supposed to be. Really not hungry.


OF COURSE I'll go to Foodtown! It's a beautiful thing! Both in reality and in my warped sense of what a town of food would be! It will be my grocery till the end of time, even though I think half of their products are past the expiration date.

* Redundancy is the key to getting a point across. Use it. Use it often.
** Cash-register is not a euphemism for ass.
*** I would be more likely to eat human-meat. Someone call Danny Devito. He's got a guy for everything.
**** Bagger Vance. YES!
***** It rains milk...puddles form...they become chocolate milk puddles after some time.