Meanderers in NYC

As a first post, instead of a "Hey this happened today, and it was totes weird," I will do a, "Holy shit, this happens all the time, and it will never be justified."

I refer to the offense as the Sidewalk Meander.

I live in NYC. We walk really a lot. That's because the city is so huge packed into a small circumference! It really creates wondrous amounts of options for most things you could want out of life. For me: McDonald's, GameStops, and Bars. Of course, anywhere on the globe has the chance to be, at whatever moment, a dangerous place, but, NY has so many people in a small area, there is just a higher percentage for an act of violence or crime to occur to you, by you, bayou, Erika Badu. That being said, I'm sure I'm not the only New Yorker (I'm not native, but still) that walks with purpose to their destination. This means, I'm briskly moving forward and determining my path of least resistance far before any obstacle is near. I try hard to remain on a straight-ish path following traffic flow, only cutting across lanes when necessary.

BOOM! Some random piece of hell who was just standing, leaning on a stoop-post, decides he wants to slowly walk into the sidewalk perpendicular to the flow of traffic, with no awareness of anybody walking normally, like a person should. If you are in a field, sir, meander away. Let go of your awareness, and let the planet swallow you into it's vast, earthy goodness. But fuck, dude, this is a NY sidewalk. What made you think there wasn't anyone coming? I know my sister refers to my movement within my own apartment as "like an assassin," but my jeans are going "schwee! schwee!" with every step. I'm also movin a crisp 8 mph or somethin crazy! You will be hurt if it weren't for some catlike-reflexive fancy-footwork from ol' Drabes. I sidestep, juke, spin-move, etc. out of the way, and MOST LIKELY get some sort of "stupid walker" face from the bumbling, meander-man.

I mean, really, what ARE you doing? You just wanted to see if it was warmer over by the parked cars? Or what?! You tell me, asshole. I just sprained my ankle to avoid plowing my crotch into your flighty-ass.

The Sidewalk Meander can be greatly improved if people would just look both ways before crossing the "street." I learned how to do that before Kindergarten. Give it a shot.